More Than Milestones: Making Space for Joy and Delight

Being an OT is a very humbling experience, which for me, has changed significantly over time. I have learnt to ask more questions, stay with wondering for longer and respect the child's dignity in any way I can.

The answer is always "it depends" and discovering, reflecting and sharing with parents is one of the  greatest joys of the role.

Sometimes themes emerge, one that seems to push and pull parents, myself and children is the tension between "getting ready for life" and "joy and delight."

Getting a child ready for life is no mean feat and the challenge is greater for some families. It starts from day 1 and is a major role of parenting. The child is always learning and being stretched and the parent has a never ending list goal posts for them and their child. Getting dressed, homework, showering, packing away...the  list goes on.

In these moments emotions run high, the child is stretched, and parents guide, show, suggest, encourage, remind, remind again, and again, and again. No wonder it can feel like a daily battle.

"Getting ready for life" pressures come from everywhere and sometimes we hit what seem like roadblocks. Here is where I've witnessed the incredible flexibility and problem solving skills of parents: the felt heart sewn into the school dress pocket, or the one song that calms a child down, sung only in a particular way. The ingenuity is endless.

In all this wonderful and important striving, problem solving and persistence. I wonder if what gets lost is the light to the shade, the fuel for the car; I'm thinking of the joy and delight. 

No goal, no pressure just joy for joy's sake. No outcome, no right way, no timeline, no pre planning.

So what do joy and delight look like? How can a parent engage in an activity and enjoy their child just as they are in that moment, reflecting back complete acceptance? 

Something that sounds wonderful can be very difficult, it reminds me of trying to practice mindfulness. It sounds great, but in reality, it's never that easy. 

In fact, spending time just delighting in a child requires a huge amount of defiance from a parent; no timelines, no comparison, no judgement, no to do list. Pressing pause on the never ending goal posts. Just showing up in an activity with a caring presence and nothing else. It almost sounds rebellious.

Over time, I have noticed something about children: If we offer this to them, even occasionally, something shifts. Don't get me wrong; The daily battle still exists, but it softens and there is a glimmer of magic in the daily mundane.

So, no answers, just wonderings: What does joy and delight look like for you and your child? When does it happen? What were you doing when it showed up in the past? Is there room for it in your daily life or can you make some? What helps you show up with caring presence? 

-Emma Allen