Self-Esteem

Self-esteem forms part of the foundation of a child’s mental health and it can have a significant impact on how they engage with the world around them. A healthy self-esteem can support children to do the things that are meaningful and important to them and their families.

What is it?

Self-esteem refers to how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s about how we like and believe in ourselves, feel worthwhile, and how we understand our own strengths and values. It is developed throughout childhood and adolescents and can support emotional and mental throughout the lifespan.

Self-esteem can allow children to try new things, reattempt things when they don’t go to plan, do things that they may not enjoy or be good at, and face challenges rather than avoid them. When children do these things, they learn and grow.

Types of self-esteem and what to look for:

There are 3 types of self-esteem:

• Low self-esteem: Refers to one’s perception of themselves as being negative overall, critical and focussed on flaws. A child with low self-esteem may be reluctant to try new things, withdraw easily, be extra critical of themselves and have big emotional responses to feedback.

• High self-esteem: Refers to one’s self-perception as being consistently positive. Whilst it may appear as high confidence, it is often dependent on external validation and can be very fragile. A child with high self-esteem can have difficulty accepting criticism, constructive feedback and failure. They may avoid challenges completely out of fear that they may fail and can often have big reactions to defend their superiority.

• Healthy self-esteem: Refers to a balanced perception of self that acknowledges and accepts one’s strengths and weaknesses without being overly critical. Children with a healthy self-esteem tend to embrace challenges with a growth mindset and demonstrates resilience to setbacks.

To support our children’s emotional health, we aim to foster the development of a healthy self-esteem.

Tips and tools for home

There are lots of wonderful ways that caregivers and therapists can foster the growth of a healthy self-esteem. Here are a just few that can be helpful in the home:

1. Embracing the power of relationship and connection

   The biggest protective factor for healthy self-esteem lies in our relationships because how we feel about ourselves is often built in our interactions with others. Warm and loving relationships are the foundation of a child’s self-esteem because a child can learn how it feels to be valued and worthwhile. Being connected to others who care about them can help to develop a sense of who they are. When a child feels seen and accepted, they are more willing to try, explore, and grow!

   
   

   There are many ways to celebrate love and connection in the home. One way we can do this is by exploring family routines and rituals that align with the child and family values. Creating consistent family rituals that focus purely on joy and connection are important in giving a child a sense of belonging and can act as a reliable anchor for the child when these rituals and routines are performed consistently.

   
   

   Another strategy might be giving a child a sense of responsibility in an important role in the family. Using the strengths and motivations of the child will help to find a suitable task, e.g. setting the table. Promoting the helper role can provide a sense of importance and value within the family unit and allow an opportunity for family members to acknowledge and appreciate the child’s efforts. This will positively reinforce thoughts and beliefs that a child has about themselves.

   
   

2. Use of process praise (as opposed to performance praise)

   Process praise celebrates the child’s effort rather than rewarding an outcome, e.g. “wow, you worked really hard on that!” or “great problem solving” instead of “you’re a great drawer” or “you’re so smart”. This supports children to learn that their value is not just in their achievements. When children receive only performance praise, they may morph their self-worth as being determined by the praise and acceptance of others, and then when they don’t receive that, they are at risk of thinking that they are not enough.

   
   

   Rather, process praise will help to send a powerful message; that love and support from adults around them is unconditional (they will be loved and valued just as much when they make mistakes). This will help protect them from feeling that they are not good enough or feel they need to perform in a certain way to manage the expectations of others.

   
   

   This simple change in language can be a powerful tool to shift pursuit away from perfection and towards persistence, and builds skills of resiliency and determination.

   
   

   To support children to further develop their sense of self, we can also think about the ways we can empower them to take pride in their own progress, when they succeed at something that took effort or perform an act that encompasses child or family values, e.g. trying hard to solve a puzzle, a kind deed, sharing, etc. This reinforces the idea that their opinion of themselves is valuable too, e.g. “I’m proud that you shared your toy, and you should be too!” or “you chose to come back and try again — wow!”

   
   

3. Reframe mistakes as learning opportunities

   We want to encourage children to be intrigued by mistakes and seek new strategies to problem solve. We can do this by creating safe spaces for children to try, make mistakes, and try again.

   
   

   We can also support them when things feel hard by acknowledging their effort, validate their emotions, and remind them it’s okay to not get it right the first time. e.g. “that was really tricky, and pretty frustrating but you kept going — sometimes we just need a little more practice”.

   
   

   Modelling can be a very powerful tool here to develop skills in regulating through mistakes so that we can problem solve and try again. Children learn the most by copying what they see and are exposed to. Mistakes are a great tool to model in front of your child, followed by an action of resilience, perseverance and self-compassion.

   
   

   Self-compassion considers the process of turning inward to understand ourselves and being kind to ourselves rather than criticising harshly when things don’t turn out the way we hoped or planned. We can also model this explicitly and encourage children to practice phrases like “I tried really hard”, “we all make mistakes”, “trying new things can be tricky”, etc.

The role of occupational therapy

Here at Playsense, we use frameworks and support strategies that aim to foster the development of a healthy self-esteem in a way that is individualised to your child and family. Careful consideration of your child’s developmental stage and individual differences play a large role in guiding how we can incorporate their strengths and motivations to drive therapy and achieve goals. Depending on the needs of your child and family, occupational therapy sessions may focus on different areas to support the development of a healthy self-esteem so that your child can participate in activities they need, want and have to do. Key areas may include skill development and environmental accommodations, working with your child to discover their sense of self, advocating for their needs amongst other members in the child’s team, and working closely together with caregivers to develop individualised strategies in the home and community.

For further information, talk to your child’s OT to learn more about the ways in which occupational therapy can support your child’s development of their self-esteem.

Written by Brenda Mongey, Playsense OT occupational therapist.

16th Jan 2026.